"All I really want, is some place, man...A place to find some common ground".

Two days ago I found out that the company site I work for is going to be sold at the end of the year. The new company is graciously offering all of the current employees a position. Although, it has been hard, I have chosen to decline. It will be the first time, since I was 15, that I was unemployed.

I never considered myself a work-aholic, an over-achiever, or a perfectionist. It also took me almost 10 years to label myself as anorexic/bulimic. That just proves that we are usually the last to accept labels for ourselves, but easy to place them on other in order to make ourselves feel categorized.

In eleven weeks, I will be hanging up my work coat and sitting at a desk to study. That's right. I am going back to school. I have been taking a class here and there for the last two semesters, but I will finally be able to dig deep into the educational system and find a passion. I am hoping my passion is hiding in there somewhere between Neuroscience and Psychology .

I haven't binged for two weeks, and I have only purged once (after a meal that I ate just a little too much, but I wouldn't consider a binge). That is my best record since August, and I plan on keeping it going. I am feeling very confident, and it is getting easier and easier to turn away the "bad" foods. The purge inducing foods are coming with a vengence now that it is holiday season, and I need to be especially strong this time of year.

I am taking Chantix to try to quit smoking. So far...I'm still smoking. I know how it works, and it actually DID work for me last year, so my quit date is set for Nov. 12. That is was the first day without a cigarette last year.

AND I haven't been exercising at all since I ran the last 5k. I did better in the race than I thought I would, but somehow it has jaded me. In the past, if I have a poor racing experience I tend to give up on running for awhile. Somehow, I was not born with the innate competitive nature that some are blessed. I give in to defeat instead of responding with pep talks and pushing harder to win next time. I usually move on to the next thing and hope I'm better at that. But I DO need to exercise whether I am running or not...so I hope when I quit smoking I will be more motivated to exercise. I don't know...right now, I could care less about that.

I am going to try not to bitch about the cold weather as much as I want to. Just know that in my head, every few minutes, I am screaming, "I FUCKING HATE WINTER".