"Ana wrecks your life. Like an anorexic life"

God works in mysterious ways, and I am reminded of this every day when I see small "coincidences" or I am interrupted from my non-sensible obsessing long enough to appreciate the small things I often take for granted.
I told my self all day that I would not binge and purge today. I told myself yesterday, also, but that did not work out so well. Today, I said, will be different. As I was eating my well balanced meal in the break room, I got about half-way through before I had the urge to keep eating. I hadn't even finished what I brought, but I was already fighting off the fantasies of all the cafeteria food that I am not supposed to consume. By the time that I finished my meal, I thought I would be pleasantly full and I would lose the urge to stuff my face further. Unfortunately, by the time I was finished eating, I hurriedly cleaned up my place at the table so that I could rush (remember: walk don't run!) to the cafeteria and splurge on french fries, donuts, cereal, cookies, or whatever other sugary/floury contraband I could find.
As I peeled around the corner to head for the locker room, all previous promises to myself became obsolete; all I could think about was the food, the fix!, the indulgence. Then, I realized, the cleaning crew was waxing the basement floor, and I was denied access. My mind quickly raced through other options in order to fulfill its latest conquest, but I realized it was no use. My money was in the locker, and that last thing I want is to get fired for stealing binge food!
In a way, I was relieved. It has been getting harder and harder to steal an hour away from my work area without anyone noticing I am gone. I have been having increased feelings of guilt with every purge. What started out as a coincidental opportunity has turned into an obsessive game. It isn't just an "opportunity", it's a mandate.
At least today, uncontrollable circumstances kept me from self harm. It is the little "coincidences" like that which lead me to believe there is someone out there looking out for my best interest. Because the good Lord knows, I don't look out for me own.