I am sad, which is weird, because I'm really really happy right now! I'm on Lexapro AND Prozac...there is no room between those two medications for melancholy!
I'm sad because I gained weight. That's what happens when I quit weighing myself, drink every day, and pretend I don't care...I gain 5 pounds in two months. DISGUST!
I am working out again...slowly. Not overdoing it. But ANA is a PEST and she wants to me restrict SOOO badly. I am fighting her every day, but she is so persistent. Of course when my modeling takes off I go over 120! FUCK! I can't remember the last time I was so terrified to be on a scale. Oh yes, that was 30 pounds ago, last year! I had finally gotten comfortable and SURE I couldn't gain any more. DAMN DAMN DAMN. What do I do now? Do I let Mia and Ana back in, just for a few pounds?
I know where they will take me. I'm scared if I go down that rabbit hole, I won't come back again.
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